Raven at Walmart
by MrLRocks78
Summary: When Raven goes a little super-duper-utterly-and-unbelievingly cuckoo, what follows? CHAOS! Read as our fellow sash-wearing forest girl goes on a completely chaotic journey to do some of the strangest things she can think up... at Walmart!
1. Taste the Rainbow

_Author's Note: Inspired by the "Things to do at Walmart" section of nene1234's profile. IT HAZ LOLZ._

* * *

Raven peeked around the corner and snickered softly to herself. In her hand she held a Skittles bag, practically bulging with the rainbow-coloured confectionaries. As a harassed-looking employee Koopa Troopa came down the aisle towards her, Raven ripped open the bag and grabbed a handful of Skittles.

Pelting the shocked employee with the sweets, she screamed, "TASTE THE FREAKIN' RAINBOW!"

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN?" bellowed the Koopa, and he ran back up the aisle, some Skittles still stuck in his spiked collar.

Chuckling to herself, Raven ceased her fire. "That was fun."

Later that day, Raven caught sight of Nastasia walking into the store, consulting the shopping list she had clenched in her fist. Barely smothering a grin, Raven bounded up to the secretary.

"Oh. Um, hi, Raven. What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to give you a little present," said Raven sweetly, giving Nastasia the puppy-eye trick.

"Sure," sighed Nastasia. "Make it quick, 'K?"

"Oh, I'll make it quick," said Raven with an evil grin. Nastasia had barely any time to say "Raven, what - " before the forest girl hurled fistful after fistful of Skittles at the secretary.

"OW! RAVEN! WHAT THE HELL! GAH! RAVEN! STOP IT THIS INSTANT, 'K?"

Laughing insanely, Raven ran up to a nearby Goomba mother and poured the remaining Skittles over her head. The forest girl then sprinted out of the shop, cackling.

* * *

_Author's Note: Short... but fun to write! Next up... OOH! In-ter-es-ting!_


	2. Code Three

_Au__thor's Note: Didn't know what Code Three is in Walmart, so decided to make up my own!_

* * *

Raven walked stiffly up the aisle to a young freckly Koopa employee. She was busy chatting on her phone and clearly on a break. Raven tapped her on the shoulder. The Koopa threw her a dirty look before saying into her phone, "Sorry, gotta hang up, Marietta. I'll catch ya later."

"Whaddaya want?" said the Koopa rudely.

Raven looked to her left and right suspiciously, then beckoned for the Koopa to lean in closer. She did so, looking a but curious. Raven leaned forward, oh so slowly, and said...

"Code Three in housewares."

The Koopa froze. Then, with a sudden leap in the air, she screamed down the aisle, "CODE THREE IN HOUSEWARES!"

Her screech carried along the whole of Walmart. Then, quite suddenly, there was chaos.

Parakoopas fled from the housewares in alarm. Goombas scurried hopelessly, their tiny legs working furiously. Mushroom Kingdom citizens fled the scene by every mean imaginable.

Quite soon, Raven was left alone. Suddenly, Dimentio appeared in front of her. His eyes were blazing.

"What," he said in a deadly quiet whisper, "did you tell that employee?"

"Uhh," said Raven, "'Code Three in housewares'?"

Dimentio froze. "D'you know what Code Three IS?" he said stiffly.

"No," admitted Raven. "I saw on the Internet that it was tons of things, from a wet floor to a missing child to a fire alarm."

"It's not ANY of those things in the Mushroom Kingdom!" screamed Dimentio. "Do you wanna know what it ACTUALLY is?"

"What?" asked Raven.

"'Fangirls longing for every male bad guy hiding'!"

Raven froze. She looked at Dimentio, and noted that he had probably locked himself in a cage, threw away the key, tied himself to a chair, gotten someone to put a cardboard box with airholes over that, then made the whole thing invisible.

"Oops," said Raven sheepishly.


	3. Leave her Alone

_Author's Note: Whew! Sorry about the super-late update. I'm super-sick... anyway, on to Walmart-ness!_

* * *

Raven was strolling around Walmart with a large grin on her face. Her one-month ban from Walmart had worn off, and she was ready to wreak havoc again!

She looked around at her surroundings and assumed a confused expression. Presently, a Goomba clerk waddled up to her.

"Hello, madam," he greeted warmly.

Raven's head whipped around as a lightbulb went up in her head.

"You look a little lost," continued the Goomba. "Do you need any help?"

Immediately, Raven scrunched up her face and began to wail. Fake tears streamed from behind her hands.

"WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" she screamed, and she bolted out of Walmart, still fake-sobbing.

Confused, the Goomba backed away slowly, muttering to himself, "What a weirdo."

* * *

_Author's Note: These chapters are gonna be shorties. Will try my best to make 'em longer!_


	4. Anti Depressants

_Author's Note: Wow... TWO updates in ONE day? While I'm SICK? Dear me, I DO outdo myself!_

* * *

Raven cocked her head. She didn't know much about guns, but she could tell that the one she was looking at was a kind of gun used for hunting. She took it in her hands and lifted it. Surprisingly, it was a teeny bit heavy.

The same Goomba clerk from a few weeks ago was walking nearby. Upon seeing the forest girl, he shuddered and looked down.

"Just don't make eye-contact, Phil," the Goomba muttered to himself.

Raven - having super-hearing - looked over at the noise. Her eyes lit up, and she sidled over to the Goomba excitedly.

"Uhm... whaddaya want, miss?" asked Phil, cautious, slightly rude and polite at the same time.

"Where are the anti-depressants?" said Raven brightly.

Phil's mouth fell open. He slowly backed away. Once he was a good five metres away from Raven, he turned around and practically bolted.

Raven stared after him before shrugging. "Maybe it's his break."


	5. The Fetal Position

_Author's Note: Yep. It's official. I will be FINISHING this fanfic! *cue trumpets and bells and other happy instrumental stuffs*_

* * *

Raven sighed as she paced. She had run out of things to do, people to freak out. What in Grambi's name was she going to do NOW?

Suddenly, she was struck by a brainwave. She ran full-tilt to somewhere within Walmart, smirking to herself.

* * *

The place was absolutely packed. Raven was having a hard time navigating, when she heard the thing she had been waiting for ring out loud.

"Price check on SuperSwirl Icecream! Repeat, price check on SuperSwirl Icecream, please!"

Raven immediately dropped to the floor. She drew her legs in with her arms and buried her head in the latter. In other words, she assumed the fetal position.

The shoppers around her looked around, and most of them stopped in their tracks. Of course, a sixteen-year-old did not suddenly assume the fetal position in the middle of Walmart on a usual day.

"NO! NO!" wailed Raven. Despite being muffled, her voice was very clear. "IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

Shoppers, clerks and employees alike were now slowly backing away. A brave little Koopa child went up to Raven and tapped her on the shoulder. "Um... are you okay, miss?"

"NUUUU!" sobbed Raven.

The area was now almost entirely clear. The Koopa's mother grabbed him by the wrist and led him away, muttering all the while.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yay! It's slightly longer!_


	6. Go, Pikachu, Go!

Raven peeked around the corner of the aisle. She snickered softly to herself. She had been practicing her throwing power all week for this moment.

Quicker than a rat, she zipped around the corner and seized a handful of colourful bouncy rubber balls. Raven peered down the aisle. There were a couple of elderly Toads, and a family of Koopas. Also, two Parakoopas were holding hands, gushing sappy stuff out of their mouths about each other.

Perfect.

Raven burst out of her hiding place and hurled the bouncy balls with all her might.

"Go, Pikachu, go!" she yelled.

The victims scattered. The two lovebird Parakoopas flew in opposite directions. The old Toads tried to whack the balls away with their walking sticks, but to no avail. The Koopa family scurried away.

Raven grabbed more bouncy balls and hurled them as well, shouting stuff like, "C'mon, Charizard! Show 'em your Flamethrower!" "Squirtle, use Hydro Pump!" "One more level and you've evolved, Grotle!"

Soon, the forest girl had emptied the cage of bouncy balls. Chuckling to herself, she turned around and strolled off.


	7. Too Much Tuna

_Author's Note: A cookie to whoever can guess how much one can of tuna costs! ;)_

* * *

Raven was dragging behind her three trolleys, each filled to the brim with cans of tuna. She was excited at the prospect of her next misadventure.

When it was her turn to buy her items, she waited impatiently as the cashier wearily scanned her many cans of tuna. When she was done, she looked up at Raven, yawning. A reeeeeally long receipt came out of the receipt machine thing and the cashier ripped it off.

"That'll be... one-thousand seven-hundred and fifty coins, ma'am," droned the cashier.

Raven's eyes bulged. Her mouth fell open in faked shock. "Wa... one... thousand... c... coins?" she stammered weakly.

"Don't forget the other seven-hundred and fifty coins to that sum," yawned the cashier.

"THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!" yelped Raven, clutching at her face to add to the drama.

"Um... well, y'see ma'am - " began the cashier.

"BLARGHY! BAAAAR! GRAAAAAAAAACK!" Raven was pretending to be choking. It worked quite well, with the bulging eyes, the clawing at the throat and the slow colouration of face.

And with that, Raven sped out of the shop, giggling to herself all the while.


	8. Where's the CDs?

"Where are the CDs?"

"Excuse me, do you know where the CDs are?"

"The CDs. I NEED them."

"CDs. Ring a bell?"

"Do you know anyone who knows where the CD section is?"

"Um, miss," said Phil the Goomba as he walked past, "you're IN the CD section."

Raven looked around her. CDs everywhere. Stacked on top of each other, set in shelves, in shoppers' hands. Yup. CDs alright.

"Thanks, dude!" shouted Raven, as Phil walked away, sighing.

* * *

_Author's Note: Wowzers... SHORTIE! I accidentally deleted this chapter, and I was too lazy to rewrite the whole thing, soooo..._


	9. The Germans are Coming!

"Uhm, remind me why I'm wasting time helping you at Walmart?" said Mr. L disapprovingly, folding his arms.

"Because you're my best friend!" chirped Raven. She was sitting - or crouching being a more accurate term - in the belly of a discarded, rickety trolley.

"Well, if it'll stop wasting my time," murmured L. He placed his hands on the trolley handle, and gave it a mighty push.

Raven went rocketing down the aisle, yelling with fake fright.

_She is a good actor,_ thought L, as he turned away and began his exit.

"THE GERMANS ARE COMING! THE GERMANS ARE COMING!" screamed the forest girl, suppressing a whoop of laughter. Everyone who heard started panicking and milling for the exit.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!" yelled Phil's voice over the speaker.

Everyone calmed down.

Raven chortled as she hurtled straight through the crowd and out the exit.


	10. Do You Like Me? ENDING ONE

Raven walked up to Phil. The Goomba heard her familiar footsteps, but did not bother to run away. Today was going to be a good day.

"Do you like me?"

"Wha-huh?" yelped Phil.

"I said, d'you like me?" said Raven simply.

"I - uh - well - um - no - but - "

"WHAT?" yelled Raven. "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!"

She ran to a pyramid of canned tomatoes, and seizing a couple as if they were grenades, chucked them as hard as she could at Phil. Cowering and yelling, the Goomba scuttled off.

Raven ceased her fire, and watched the Goomba bolt. She smiled.

Oh, what fun Walmart was!


	11. Do You Like Me? ENDING TWO

Raven walked up to Phil. The Goomba heard her familiar footsteps, but did not bother to run away. Today was going to be a good day.

"Do you like me?"

"Wha-huh?" yelped Phil.

"I said, d'you like me?" said Raven simply.

"Yes," snapped Phil, just to make her go away.

"What a shame," said Raven, patting him on the shoulder and pointing to the tired cashier, "because that cashier over there was just about to ask you to dinner."

And leaving Phil mouthing soundlessly at her like a goldfish out of water, Raven walked over to the frozen food section. 


	12. The Frozen Food Freezer

"Hey, Phil? Could ya go check out the frozen food section? There's some sorta commotion goin' on."

"Sure thing, Robb." Phil waddled to the frozen food section.

When he got there, everything looked normal. His eyes flickered over to the freezer...

And he froze himself.

"Hi, Phil!" greeted Raven from the freezer, waving.

"AAARGH!" screamed Phil, turning tail and scarpering. "SHE'S STALKING MEEE!"

Raven watched him go, frowning. "Doesn't he like frozen peas?" she asked herself.

"Uhm, 'scuse me?"

Raven looked down, and she saw a litte Koopa kid. "Hi there!" she greeted.

"You're not allowed to be in there," said the Koopa.

"Oh, whatever," said Raven.

The Koopa shrugged. "Good enough for me!"


	13. Aisle Eight

"I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."

Phil looked up and saw... HER. That crazy sixteen-year-old forest girl who was practically stalking him.

"V-very funny, Raven!" chuckled Phil, trying to inject mirth in his voice. _Raven_... the name pierced him with pure terror.

"Dead people..." whispered Raven, her eyes wide, "aisle eight... take you away..."

Phil backed away from her. "P-please leave me alone!" he pleaded.

"Aisle eeeeeeight..." hissed Raven. And in a poof of cheap-magic-show-based smoke, Raven was gone.

* * *

"How long d'ya think she's gonna spend trying to put Walmart outta business?" asked L, as he mixed the batter for his cupcakes.

"Well, considering her efforts in the past two months, I'd say about another three years," said Dimentio smoothly.

Mr. L sighed. "I pity the soul who she picks for her harrassee..."

**The End. Please review!**


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